Alice Cooper Was Wrong

One of my favourite songs is Alice Cooper’s “Lost in America” which I’ve loved ever since I caught it late one night on an episode of Beavis and Butthead, it's a hilarious example of 80s rock cheese - the lyrics for the first verse are:

I can't get a girl, 'cause I ain't got a car
I can't get a car, 'cause I ain't got a job
I can't get a job, 'cause I ain't got a car
So I'm looking for a girl with a job and a car

Which, in the video B&B riff-off to great comic effect.


For me though, this song works on two levels: On the one hand it gives me a wonderful sense of nostalgia for the naivety of my early teens - a time when life appeared to be much simpler,  full of such bright colours and contrast and not the complex (but still beautiful) shades that it is now. On the other it seems to rather beautifully sum up the frustration that anyone who finds themselves at a disadvantage can feel, a sense of powerlessness that will also often be accompanied with a simple but totally unrealistic solution. “It’s okay though - I’ll sort it out when I win the lottery” kinda thing.

Perhaps therefore, Alice’s lyrics should have been something along the lines of:

I can't get a girl, 'cause I ain't got a car
I can't get a car, 'cause I ain't got a job
I can't get a job, 'cause I ain't got a car
So I decided to go and stay with a friend and sleep their floor for a while which will allow me to do some work experience at the company just down the road. if i work hard and put the hours in for them they might give me a job or at the very least a good reference - I reckon that within 6-12 weeks I can be in a good job with prospects and within six months I’ll have a half-decent car. Then I just need to work on finding a nice girlfriend.

Admittedly that doesn’t scan quite as well.